I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
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