everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize