he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize