I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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