Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
