the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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