worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
