you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
