I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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