you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
