he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
