i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You have to summon your inner elephant
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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