I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
