In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
