Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
