You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize