You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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