True but thats because hes a fetus.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it glows. i had to have it.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize