i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
