Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
