Are we in a gay sports bar?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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