All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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