Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
