I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
