Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize