You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Vodka?
Forever.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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