all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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