It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
