vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
