the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
