I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
