bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
