ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
