I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
