Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
