What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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