A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
