why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All the doctor said was why
My life is pants optional.
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