'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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