I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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