Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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