I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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