We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
