i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
