Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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