Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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