if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
