i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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