Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
