just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize