Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
