Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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