I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
