Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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