I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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