I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
