I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
