the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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