The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
