Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
BRING THE BAGELS
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
