i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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