you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
