So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
