I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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