So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
He uses pillows to masturbate.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
