I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
