i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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