I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
