anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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