I think my fart just growled at me.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Who died my cat blue again?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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