well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
