I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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