Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
